Anyone who works at home knows that it's not all fun and games. In fact, some home-based jobs are almost as stressful as their office-based counterparts. But when you work at home you have a great deal more control over your life and your schedule. You can take frequent breaks, leave whenever you feel like it, breath deeply without anyone looking at you like you have horns growing out of your ears, play relaxing music, take a bath. You really do have more control.

Your poor spouse does not have this control. He or she is still subject to that maddening drive to and from work, the pressures of constant competition at the office. He still has to deal with the political games at the office, the brown-nosing, the boring meetings, the interruptions.

So who needs the support here?

You see why the one who works at home can assume the leadership role in directing the mood of the relationship. The spouse who gets to work at home has many more opportunities to lighten the load for the spouse who doesn't. If you both work at home, that's a completely different story.

Either way, here are our Top Ten ideas for adding love, appreciation and warm fuzzies in your WAH marriage.

1. First, if you're not totally in the mood to be extra nice to your spouse, take a few minutes to put your life with him/her in perspective. The fastest way to do that is to imagine for one moment that he or she is gone. Completely gone, never to return. No longer in your life. After a few minutes of this you will probably begin to stop taking your spouse for granted and begin seeing him in a whole new light. The good things will suddenly begin to appear and you will feel more love and appreciation than before. You'll start giving him credit for the special things they are or do. You'll feel admiration for him. You'll want to understand her deep down. Set aside the routine and see your spouse like you usually don't have time to do. This is very important because after you've done this, you're going to really enjoy doing something special for him.

2. After you've discovered how lucky you really are to have your spouse and how special they really are in their own right, tell them! Just come right out and surprise them with flattery and love. (When's the last time you really did that?) Make a special call. Write a special note. Have a special, non-interrupted conversation. Be very sincere.

3. Find some way to make your spouse feel special. When you work at home you have a strategic advantage because you can be more sneaky while your spouse is strapped to his desk. Bake his favorite cookies or favorite meal from scratch (but make sure he knows its for him, not the kids). Place notes or greeting cards where your spouse will find them at unexpected times when you're not there... in his underwear drawer, on her makeup mirror, in his briefcase, in his shoe, on her steering wheel. Give her a foot massage. Ask the kids to be extra quiet tonight so dad can relax from his hard day at the office.

4. Buy her a gift. Make sure it's wrapped. How fun it is to receive a wrapped gift selected just for you, for no reason at all. But remember, your spouse probably wants a different kind of gift than you'd want. (Ladies, as hard as it is to believe, most men greatly dislike getting clothes and cologne as gifts! And guys, please don't give the woman in your life a tool or a gadget.) Don't make the mistake of getting your spouse a gift that shows how much you don't understand or care about them.

5. Plan a special night. Get the kids a sitter. Focus on just you two. Go somewhere very special or spend the whole night in bed with fondue. Make it a special date, like you used to, remember? Enjoy each other.

6. Buy a greeting card. You're not on a schedule, remember?

7. Celebrate together. Take note of something you've accomplished together, or something you are together. The best celebrations are those that aren't dictated by the greeting card and floral industries. Find something special. It might be simply that you love each other and you're lucky to have each other. In fact, that may be the greatest reason to celebrate of them all. Then, celebrate it. Champagne. Dinner out. Celebrate!

8. Be friends! Laugh together. If you weren't his wife or her husband but were instead his/her friend, what would you do to show friendship? Do that. Be his or her friend.

9. Make a love concession. Linda X and her husband Jim X argued for over ten years about the towels in the kitchen. Linda always wanted the towel to be for drying dishes only. Jim kept using it to wipe his hands and clean up food. It drove Linda batty. As ridiculous as it sounds to everyone else, it was a source of daily tension for them for over a decade until one day Linda finally asked herself what the big deal was. Who did she love more, Jim or those silly clean towels? Well, that put things into perspective real fast. So she apologized to Jim for being so petty and invited him to get food on those silly towels as much as he wanted to. She bought some different towels to put under the sink for drying the dishes. Jim was so moved by Linda's generosity he didn't want to use the towels for wiping his hands anymore anyway. Problem solved. Love is back.

10. Take a few minutes to really empathize with your spouse. Besides being your husband or wife and the parent of your kids, what's going on in his/her life? Really take the time to understand what it's like for them, how they feel. This can be more difficult than it sounds! Then, try to find a way to show that you support and understand them. If your husband has a big presentation or a particularly unpleasant work day coming up, for example, why not make him some fresh-squeezed orange juice on that day to give him that extra lift (both psychologically and nutritiously) to help him through it?

Don't take your husband or wife for granted.

Copyright 2001 Work-at-Home.org