By Rachel Pelta Golinkin

I remember the day I quit my old job to become a stay at home mom. It was an easy decision, a choice made long ago with my husband (before he was my husband). Perhaps it was the hormones, but I choked up a little when I told my very understanding (andforgiving!) boss that I wasn’t coming back to my job after all. He was a little surprised since he, “never really thought of me as that type.” I’m not really sure what that meant. Maybe he was surprised because I had always been so devoted to my job he just assumed that devotion wouldn’t change because I had become a mother. Whatever he meant, it was just the first in a long line of comments that would sometimes make me stop for a minute and think about how I feel and how others may feel about my choice.

Anyone who’s ever commented to me negatively has never meant it maliciously… at least, I don’t believe so. I think occasionally there was a tinge of jealousy in my working friends who wanted to stay home and work at home, but for whatever reason, couldn’t. I think sometimes the comments were meant as a show of camaraderie as if to say, I’ve been there and done that. And other times, there were those who, I think, regretted their choice and seemed to take it out on me. It’s hard not to get offended sometimes. Off handed comments can sting. And I’m not trying to be high and mighty because I choose to be a stay at home (and work at home) mom. I am forever grateful that I have this opportunity. I understand that not every woman (or man for that matter) can choose to be a stay at home parent. So, what do I do when I hear these comments? Well, I don’t get mad. I don’t want to fan the flames of the “mommy wars.” I’m perfectly happy to stay conflict-free and working at home. I take a moment to remember why I made this choice to work at home and stay at home, and what it has given me, and I wear those memories of stinging comments as badges of honor.

“Aren’t your bored?” Sure, I get bored sometimes. I don’t enjoy the days that the only thing on my to do list is “clean toilet.” But, there are other things to do in life besides clean toilets (that don’t involve child care, cooking or cleaning other parts of the house).

Being at home gave me the freedom and flexibility to chase an old dream I dropped for a long time… writing. Now I have the time to devote myself to it, an opportunity I would not have had if I hadn’t chosen to be a stay at home mom.

“Don’t you feel like you’re wasting your degree?” I have two degrees, actually, and no, I don’t feel like I’m wasting them. Sure, I didn’t get a degree in Domestic Engineering, but I’m using the degrees I already have to be a work at home mom in addition to beinga stay at home mom. And having worked hard to earn those degrees I’ve got the skills I need to make this thing work.

“Don’t you miss working?” Well, that depends on how you define working. I work pretty hard raising my son. Do I miss the nine to five routine? Nope. Do I miss office politics? Not at all. Being a stay at home mom has given me not only a great first job as mom, but a fantastic second job I designed myself. I’ll admit the benefits aren’t that great (though the wet sloppy kisses are kind of fun) but I have more freedom and flexibility than I ever had in the office and there’s nobody trying to backstab me or undermine me.

“Don’t you get tired of the baby talk all day? Don’t you crave adult company?” Some days, it does get kind of rough, so that’s when I remember me. I might hire a sitter (like Grandma and Grandpa) so I can get out and tend to some errands. I’ll make sure to meet up with my grown-up friends (who do and don’t have kids) and catch up over brunch or dinner. I go to play groups with other moms and even though the kids are there, there’s plenty of time for talk that doesn’t involve babies.

“C’mon. Tell me the truth. Are you really happy at home?” Yup!! I’ve got a great new job as a stay at home mom.

I’ve never been happier with my choice and I hope you’re happy for me too.

Rachel Pelta Golinkin is a successful stay-at-home mom to one and a freelance grant writer.

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